I’ve been with my significant other for just about three years now. I have one child of my own, he has four. I hate to say this but if I knew what I was getting into in the beginning, I probably would have walked away. But I’m so glad I stayed and I’m so happy with the beautiful family we are becoming. Learning how to be a stepmom has been a rough journey for me. Its had its ups and downs. I’ve experienced a lot of bumps in the road. But I’ve also had a lot of great times and beautiful memories. Being a stepmom is 10 times harder than I imagined. But I have learned a lot of amazing strategies along on how to be happier as a step mom and I can’t wait to share them with you.
Let it go!
Yes, just like that song from frozen that will forever be burned in your skull. Let it go.
I still struggle with this one from time to time but it’s getting easier as time goes on. Seriously, you gotta learn to let shit go. Holding on to anger and vengeance is going to do nothing but destroy your relationship with your kiddos. If you want to be happier as a step mom, you have to let it go. I understand that it might drive you crazy, but feeding into it will only make matters worse.
Be happy you get to do this
This is a great tip for just about any aspect in life. So often we look at things as though we have to do it. We have to go to work, do the laundry, run the kids around. If you change “have” into get, it can completely change your mindset. Imagine you weren’t able to do those things. Close your eyes and imagine your home empty, no job to go to. Personally, that image makes me sad.
Be happy that you have a job and you get to go to work. Your healthy enough to run the kids to practice. You get to do the laundry.
Yeah, I know how frustrating it gets feeling like you’re the one taking care of everything. But at the end of the day, the kids will remember who was there and who wasn’t. Don’t think of it in a “Ugh, I have to do this” kind of way. Think of it as a “Yes! I get to do this” Yes you get to take care of the kids, you get to bring them to practice. You get to help them pick out new shoes. You get to. This is one of the best ways to be happier as a step mom.
Your relationship with your spouse comes first
Contrary to popular belief, your relationship with your spouse needs to come before your relationship with the kids.
I’m sure a bunch of you are going to disagree on this one. But hear me out. Yes, the kids are important. But so is your relationship. After all, you wouldn’t have these kids in your life if it wasn’t for your spouse. If you are on the outs with your spouse, it’ll send bad vibes to the kids. Coming together to raise kids is tough. Your relationship with your spouse has to remain strong. Step parenting is hard enough as it is. It gets a lot harder when you aren’t on the same page as your spouse. You and your spouse are on the same team.
Stay out of the drama between your spouse and his ex
This tip has saved my peace of mind. I used to be all up in their business and just ended up mad over something I can’t and never will control. One day, I finally decided to take a step back. Now, I only get involved with what’s going on with the kids and only when I’m asked to.
Don’t go digging your hands into other people’s cookie jar. The bio mom and I do not have a beautiful relationship like they show in the movies (I wish we could and I hope we will be on better terms one day) The stuff between your spouse and his ex will drive you crazy if you let it. The only thing they should be discussing is the children and the best thing to do is to just stay out of it. I know it might drive you crazy when she calls. But honestly, its none of your business. That stuff is between them and should stay between them for the sake of your peace of mind.
You can ask for help!!
I know you want to kick ass at this whole step mom thing, but it’s hard. And it’s totally ok to ask for help. Especially in the beginning. Not only your life, but the kids’ lives are changing drastically. Everyone needs time to adjust and get used to the new situation. It can be overwhelming, and that’s ok. If you want to be happier as a step mom, never be afraid to ask for help. You can always ask your spouse for help. Most of the time, men don’t notice the certain things we do. Sometimes they need little reminders. You can always call on your family or friends, too. I’m sure they would be more than happy to run to the store for you or help the kids with homework.
Don’t worry about what other people think
When you get into the step mom gig, a lot of people are going to have opinions about it. You’re going to hear things about what you can and can’t do as a stepmom. People will question you and your capabilities. There might even be people telling you to get out and leave the situation.
In the beginning, it might feel like everyone and their grandma is judging you. Well, I say let them! Judge away! You just do you and take care of those you love and everything will be ok. If people come at you with negative thoughts, look the other way.
Be confident and do the best you can
When I first became a step mom, I was so worried that my step kids wouldn’t like me. What if my parenting style wasn’t right for them? I was terrified. It was a new situation for all of us. I never wanted them to think of me as an imposter. I was lenient with them, let them get away with stuff. Just so they would like me. They ended up walking all over me. It took me a long time to learn to just be confident in my parenting. And once I learned to be confident, I was a lot happier. I didn’t hold myself to those extreme high parenting standards and just did what felt right. Now we all flow so much better.
Don’t forget that self care is so important! For some tips with self care, check out this article: Self Care Ideas
Being a stepmom isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. If you find yourself struggling, remember these tips to being a happier stepmom:
- Learn to let it go
- Be happy you get to do this
- Your relationship with your spouse comes first
- Stay out of the drama
- Ask for help
- Don’t worry about what other people think
- Be confident and do your best
If your interested in more advice for step moms, I recommend you check out this article: Best Advice For Step Moms
That’s all I have for today!